Roulette
by Fear and Loathing
Summary: AU Clare reluctantly agrees to go to Roulette with Alli and her new boyfriend Drew. There she meets the owner's son Eli, who is as mysterious and confusing as he is attractive. EClare
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or any songs I mention!

Author: Alleycat

Story: Roulette

Clare reluctantly agrees to go to Roulette with Alli and her new boyfriend Drew. There she meets the owner's son Eli, who is as mysterious and confusing as he is attractive. EC

Hi! I'm Alleycat and I am super nervous lol.

Before you read there are some things you should keep in mind:

I've never written a Degrassi fic so I'm probably horrible at it

While I love Clare and Eli, I'm not the biggest and most loyal watcher so I'll probably screw up the characterization. Though my Eli is supposed to be a little different…

So why am I doing this at all? Who really knows except that I just saw the recent episode and I am dying because I love Eli and I love Clare and I want them together. And it's like they JUST got back together…leave them alone please. Dallas go the eff away, seriously. Katie does not like you and neither does Clare. Lol I'll stop now.

So please just give it a try…

* * *

You sit there in your heartache  
Waiting on some beautiful boy to  
To save you from your old ways  
You play forgiveness  
Watch it now, here he comes

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus

~ The Killers "When You were Young"

"That is it," Alli screamed and she ripped the blanket off Clare's bed. She neglected to turn on the lights before she stormed in because she wanted to catch her off guard. "It has been a month. Honestly, you are starting to stink."

"Leave me alone," Clare moaned and tried to grab the comforter back in vain. "I'm going back to bed."

"No, we're going out." Alli corrected. "You have a half hour to shower before I bathe you myself."

Clare thought about refusing. She really did. She spent one-third of her time allotment figuring a way out. They had this argument every Friday and Saturday since the incident. This incident involved K.C., her one and only ex-boyfriend, and his betrayal in the form of one very pregnant ex-friend.

Maybe she was tired of moping but Clare finally acquiesced. Their apartment filled with Alli's squeals of triumph which immediately made her review the decision. If she was already this annoying then going out would only make it ten times worse.

"You got your hair cut," Alli noticed after she barged into their shared bathroom.

Clare resisted the urge to lecture her about boundaries once again. Her friend was a genius but sometimes she just didn't get it.

"I needed a change," She told her and ran her hands through her shortened, wet strands. She tried to ask her where they were going but Alli grabbed the blow dryer and went to work.

"It's a club," She answered after an hour of blowing and curling. "This new Clare looks hot."

"B-but we're not 19," Clare stuttered. When she agreed she thought they would go to their old hangouts not an actual club. Plus, she was a horrible dancer.

"Don't worry about that," Alli assured her. "I happen to know the owner's son's best friend's brother. He's gorgeous."

"I should have known," Clare muttered to herself. Of course it was about a boy. Her best friend probably didn't even want to help her get over K.C; she just didn't want to go by herself. "I'm not going."

Alli scoffed. "I did not spend the last hour fixing you up for you to spend the night in your bed. I laid out an outfit on your bed now go get dressed."

"This is a lot of black," Clare complained through her closed-door but dressed anyway. The short sleeve black dress was her usual style but a little tighter and shorter than she preferred. The front had a white bow at her neck and a splicing lace decoration. The black pumps were high but still modest.

"It's the dress code," Her best friend said as she appeared in her doorway. She was wearing a black leather miniskirt and a black button up. "You must wear black."

Clare's nose scrunched up. "This place sounds weird."

"It will be fun," Alli argued and laughed at her expression. "It's not a cult or anything like that. Drew will be with us so we'll be safe regardless."

Clare was not convinced but gave up anyway. She suppressed the urge to roll her eyes when he showed up late in a sports car. She was able to fake a smile when Alli introduced her to the new boy toy. Drew Torres was good-looking, tan, and muscular. He didn't seem to have a lot going on upstairs but to be fair Alli's giggles were not conducive to stimulating conversation.

When they arrived, the club was as creepy as Clare expected. There was a long line around the brick building and the word Roulette in red above the entrance. Alli barely noticed the line as they walked passed but Clare couldn't help but feel subconscious next to the black and bare skin.

She could feel their judgment and so she hid by Alli as they waited to get in.

Drew gestured to the pair and whispered something in the bouncer's ear but Clare couldn't make it out over the music coming from inside the club. She was pleasantly surprised by the decor once they got inside. The furniture was black and modern. She especially liked the red chandeliers which lent an eerie feel to the dark bar.

"Wow," Alli muttered to her.

"I second that," Clare agreed, feeling even more out-of-place.

"The dance floor is on the second floor," Drew explained, acting as an impromptu tour guide. "The restrooms are over there. Would you like to dance or get a drink first?"

"I'll take a water," She shouted ignoring Alli's glare.

Drew looked at her weirdly.

"We'll both have a vodka and cranberry." She told him instead and pinched Clare when she opened her mouth to argue.

"But I don't want to drink, we're underage." Clare explained once he left.

Alli pouted. "One won't kill you."

Clare shook her head. "I'm at least getting myself a water."

After Alli reluctantly agreed, Clare went to the bar on the opposite side of the room. Drew already thought she was weird; she didn't want to seem even stranger by ordering water next to him.

"What can I get you?" A pretty girl with curly brown hair asked as she wiped the bar.

"A water please," Clare half-shouted.

Her eyes narrowed. "You want a water?"

Clare nodded slowly wondering what the big deal was. The girl grinned and came back holding the bottle out. She looked beyond her and stiffened before refusing to take her money.

"It's on the house," She explained. "The name's Bianca by the way."

"Clare," She told her.

"I have a feeling I'll be seeing you around here more often," She told her cryptically before paying attention to a new customer.

"The weirdest thing happened to me," Clare started but didn't have time to finish as Alli dragged her to the dance floor.

She resisted as best she could but still ended up on the dance floor. She felt terribly awkward as the pulse of bodies moved to the beat and Alli danced effortlessly. Clare moved hesitantly but stopped when she saw Alli giggle.

"It's not funny," She protested.

Alli began moving crazy and before she knew it, Clare felt comfortable dancing. It was times like these that she remembered why Alli was her best friend. They danced for a few more songs before returning to Drew.

"Nice moves," He commented and she was immediately embarrassed.

"Adam didn't tell me you would be here," A deep voice said behind them and the three turned around. "With guests too, what a surprise."

Judging by the stranger's facial expression, it was obviously not a pleasant surprise. His face became neutral as he looked at Clare.

"Hey man," Drew said uneasily. "There was a change of plans. This is Alli and her friend Clare."

Clare smiled shyly at the newcomer who had yet to take his eyes off her. She bit her lip in nervousness.

He looked like he was made for a place like this. His dark hair was swept to the side, his eyes intense (the low lights made it hard for her to see the exact color), with a black outfit made him devastatingly handsome. He was Edward Cullen with a bite. He was an effortless Gerard Way. He was beautiful in a way that made her jealous and sexy in a way that scared her.

His lips, however, threw her off; they were plump and moving.

With a jolt, she realized it was because he was talking. It was then she noticed both Alli and Drew were looking at her too. He must have asked her a question and she had to think quickly.

"Huh," She blurted out.

He smirked. "I said I like your dress."

She looked down at the feminine dress and realized he was making fun of her. There was no way he liked it. "I'm sure it comes in your size."

He quirked an eyebrow. "White bows aren't really my thing."

"Too bad," She teased, feeling herself flirt for the first time since K.C. It was new and weird.

"Come with me," He demanded suddenly and took a step closer, completely ignoring the other two.

She glanced at her Alli, helpless. "I can't leave my friend."

"Then you can all come," He sneered before turning around and striding off.

"What was that?" She asked Alli as they followed the mysterious man. Drew immediately followed the man but the girls were hesitant.

"I have no idea but he wants you." She responded with a laugh.

Clare's nerves increased as they walked up a bunch dark stairs with black walls. She slipped a hand into Alli's as they climbed for comfort. It opened to a long hallway with a large man guarding a door. The mysterious man didn't even glance at him as walked through the door. Clare gripped her hand as they followed.

"Clare," said the man. "Sit here."

Before she could respond Alli pushed her and disappeared into the other corner of the black room with Drew. Clare resisted the urge to roll her eyes: typical Alli. She sat down on the red leather couch and watched the man sit next to her. She glanced behind them and saw a glass wall that over looked the dance floor.

"How old are you," He asked drawing her attention away.

She avoided his eyes. "N-nineteen."

He sighed loudly. "Let's try this again Clare Edwards and answer like I am the son of the owner of this club."

She met his eyes and gulped. "I'm not _quite_ nineteen."

"Ah," He nodded and leaned back, laying his arm on the back of the couch. He was the picture of leisure. "Just a year o-"

"Are you going to call the police?" She interrupted, unable to handle his stare or the suspense.

"Normally, I would."

She perked up. "Normally?"

He laughed, a rich and attractive sound. "Yes, normally. Roulette could get in a lot of trouble."

Clare fidgeted when he didn't continue. "And?"

"You don't belong in a place like this." He touched the small bow at her neck as proof. "I wouldn't dare reward your courage with punishment."

She felt embarrassed that once again she stuck out. It wasn't like she wanted to go to the club but telling her she didn't fit in was still hurtful. She tried to hide her reaction.

"You have pretty eyes," He told her, his expression neutral but his eyes saying something she couldn't understand.

Clare blushed, her earlier insecurity forgotten. "Thank you."

He watched her for a minute. "What do not quite 19 year olds do these days?"

"How old are you," She asked instead. The way he talked made him sound older but he looked like he was in his early 20's.

"Twenty-three."

She laughed, unimpressed.

He smirked. "I know it's shocking."

"Mr. Goldsworthy," A woman with a clipboard snapped and the two jumped. "I have looked for you everywhere."

"Obviously not," He muttered and Clare giggled. When the woman glared at her, she shrunk behind him.

She tapped her clipboard with manicured nails. "I need your confirmation on the order. Adam told me he saw you heading up here with people which I obviously knew was untrue as you are unsocial. I stand corrected."

He rolled his eyes. "I prefer the phrase selective interaction Ms. Coyne."

She held her hand up. "I don't have time for your convoluted explanation; we need to get to the office."

He sighed dramatically and glanced at Clare. "I am afraid that duty calls."

"How arduous," Clare mocked and stood when he did.

He smirked at her, an expression fast becoming her favorite. "Goodbye Clare not-quite-19 Edwards."

She watched him walk away feeling helpless. She didn't want him to leave but she didn't know what she could say to stop him. "I'll…uh see you around," She called, immediately feeling like an idiot.

The pair stopped and turned.

He stared at her and her nerves increased.

"Guess you will," He responded after a minute of silence before leaving the room completely.

"What was that?" Alli asked coming up from behind.

Clare shrugged, just as lost.

* * *

Wow. If you're reading this then you made it through or skipped ahead lol. Please let me know if I should continue. I feel weird writing about them but I couldn't help it.

Be honest but only constructively.

I am apt to delete stories that I feel the world is better off without so you can tell me that too.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or any songs I mention!

Author: Alleycat

Story: Roulette

Clare reluctantly agrees to go to Roulette with Alli and her new boyfriend Drew. There she meets the owner's son Eli, who is as mysterious and confusing as he is attractive. EC

Dedicated to: kibago for making me laugh

Wow you reviewed! And ten jeez! Thank you!

Side note: Loved loved loved the finale! I am SOOO glad Clare backed out of the picture on Asher's computer because I would have lost some major respect for her (lol I'm talking like she's real or something). Eli was adorable as always and I loved it when he punched Dallas lmao! The end scene after the play: melt into a puddle of goo. Seriously.

Chapter 2

Lately I've been writing desperate love songs.  
I mostly sing them to the wall.  
You could be the center piece of my obsession  
If you would notice me at all

~ The Band Perry "All Your Life"

Clare woke up glaring at the incessant beeping coming from her alarm clock.

It had been five days since she saw the mysterious man.

Five days of obsessive thinking.

Through Drew on the way home, she learned his name was Elijah Goldsworthy. He was a cold, sadistic individual who rarely talked to anyone who he didn't consider worthy. He was the son of a rich radio host who owned the bar and several other properties. His best friend was Drew's brother Adam.

To Clare, Elijah was full of contradictions.

He was confident yet unsure, interested but standoffish, and serious but funny.

She wondered which the true Elijah was: her version or Drew's.

"Clare," Alli yelled from the kitchen. "We need to leave in five!"

She groaned and ran to her closet, unprepared to start her day. She made it class on time but had trouble paying attention once she got there. They were reading "Porphyria's Lover" and "The Last Duchess" (her teacher on an obvious Browning kick); two poems that had nothing to do with Elijah but reminded her nonetheless. She was sure if they were reading the other Browning (she laughed at the thought of Elijah reading "How do I love thee?") she would be reminded too.

"You okay?" Jake asked as the teacher dismissed them.

He was a good-looking boy in a plaid kinda way. He was not the literature type either like most students he was reluctant to take the introductory English classes. Before the club incident, she was sure she was starting to develop a crush on him but now she barely noticed him. It was fine anyway because she was sure that he wouldn't give her the time of day.

Not that Elijah would.

He was out of her league in a different way.

She was sitting here pining like a little girl while he most likely dated some equally hot and equally dark women who understood the complexities of Palahniuk and listened to metal. He probably didn't give a second thought to the naïve underage girl who stumbled into his club.

She reserved herself to think no more of the dark-haired man.

"Hello," He asked, waving a hand in front of her face.

She flushed. "Sorry."

"I asked if you were okay," He repeated with an easy grin, a direct contrast to Eli's smirk. "You didn't answer any of the teacher's questions. She looked hurt."

She laughed as she gathered her notebook and poetry book. "I have a lot on my mind I guess."

"I can see that," He agreed and followed her out of the classroom. "Me and a couple of my friends are getting lunch, wanna join us?"

She looked at her watch and noticed she still had an hour before her next class. She wondered if he would be friends with Elijah even though she admitted it was a stretch. She felt disappointed when they sat with two girls and a guy who was definitely not Elijah.

Her negative feelings soon dissipated once they started talking. She hadn't had much time to make new friends since the beginning of the semester and it was nice to talk to someone besides Alli. She was in the middle of conversing with Marisol and Katie when she noticed Drew and another boy across the cafeteria. Before she could think about it, she grabbed her stuff and said a quick goodbye.

Katie threw Jake a weird look and he shrugged. He grabbed her empty plate and put it under his.

"That girl is interesting," Mo commented and the entire table broke out in laughter.

When Clare had almost reached him, she made herself slow down to look less desperate and more of an accident.

"Hey Drew," She greeted, gripping her books tightly.

He turned around and looked at her for a moment. "Alli's friend?" He asked and pointed. "Clare?"

Clare resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She knew he knew who she was. "Yes, Clare Edwards."

"_The _Clare Edwards?" A boy with brown hair and beanie asked.

She nodded. "And you are?"

"Adam Torres," He stuck out his hand and she shook it. "I've heard a lot about you."

Her mind raced as soon as he identified himself. This was Eli's best friend. Could he have talked about her? She glanced at Drew who held up his hands innocently.

"I haven't mentioned you," He said.

"So who…" She let the question taper off, trying to play it cool. This was his best friend. She should be careful.

Adam grinned, "My friend Eli might have mentioned meeting you."

Her nose scrunched up. "Eli?"

"She knows him as Elijah," Drew added in, barely paying attention to the conversation. He was too busy looking at the girls around the room. "Only his friends can call him Eli."

"Then Elijah it remains," Clare said and changed the subject. "Do you both go to school here?"

They confirmed it and she learned that Adam was the same age as Eli_jah _so he was an upperclassman. She resisted the urge to ask about him because desperation was sexy to no one. She began to really connect with Adam, better than Jake's friends, and when they departed she had gained a friend and a new number.

And hopefully an in with Eli(jah).

"I saw Drew today," Clare told Alli over dinner that night. They ordered pizza again, an unfortunate staple in their new life at college. "It was in the cafeteria."

"I didn't know you ate in there."

"I usually don't," She admitted and took a bite. "Jake, a boy in my class, invited me with his friends."

"Wow," Alli laughed. "You are Miss Popular today."

"Right," Clare scoffed. "I saw Drew and Adam there."

Alli gaped, "You met Adam? Drew keeps making excuses not to introduce us."

Clare frowned as she set down her slice. "That's not a good sign."

Alli narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean?"

"Are you sure Drew likes you as much as you do?" Clare asked instead.

She huffed, "If you're implying that-"

"I'm not implying anything," Clare interrupted putting on her best 'don't kill the messenger' face. "I just want you to be careful."

"You too, Elijah seems intense." She returned, defiantly. "Be sure you're ready for that before you start it."

It was Clare's turn at confusion.

Alli sighed and grabbed another piece. "Just use that brain you have, sister."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"What are you doing Friday night?" Adam asked as they walked to their next class.

It had become a Monday/Wednesday ritual to meet for lunch before going to their shared class. After the first meeting two weeks earlier, there was no mention of Elijah. Clare enjoyed Adam's company but she was ready to climb the walls. Or worse, show up at Roulette on her own, desperate and underage.

"I work until 9," Clare responded after a nudge. She was scatterbrained lately. "Why?"

Adam looked at the cloudy sky for a moment. "I really need to tell you something."

"Okay," Clare said slowly, scared of what it might be.

He hurried on, "I just don't want to do it here. It's too important."

Clare could see how worried he was. "If you'll be around the north campus, I work at the library. We could meet up there at 9," She offered.

He released a big breath. "Thank you. I'm really glad we're friends."

Clare smiled. "Me too."

It was no surprise that Adam showed up two minutes before close. She grabbed her coat and said goodbye to Wesley, the person who relieved her. He was nice but shy which was fine because she was the same way. It just made it difficult to hold a conversation.

Adam was silent for the first few minutes. "The library's pretty busy for a Friday night."

Clare shot him a look. "I know you do not want to talk about the patron rate on weekends of the school library. What's going on?"

"I'm not like other guys," He blurted out and flushed.

Clare laughed, "I know and that's why we get along so well."

"I don't mean like that," He stopped suddenly and plopped down on a bench. He didn't wait for her to sit down to continue. "I mean I was born a girl but someone forgot to tell my body that."

Clare just stared. "So you're-"

"Transgender?" He supplied. "Yes."

She fell down next to him. "And you're family?"

"Besides Drew, my mother thinks it's a phase. That I'm just a tomboy lesbian but I'm a guy." He said bitterly, digging his toe into the concrete.

"That must be hard," She said sympathetically and placed a comforting hand over his.

Adam gripped her hand and went to reply when his phone rang. He held a finger and answered without releasing her hand which Clare felt was awkward but maybe Adam was in need of affection. Elijah and Drew did not seem like affectionate guys.

"It's Eli," He mouthed to her and she perked up.

Even knowing he was on the phone made her body flush and her heart pick up.

Adam smiled at her. "I'm hanging out with Clare."

"Clare? Yes, _the_ Clare Edwards." Adam winked. "I told you I made a new friend. It's not my fault you didn't ask her name. I have a date tonight." Adam laughed. "We're holding hands on a park bench. Super romantic."

Clare gaped at him.

"It's our second date," Adam continued and released her hand to wrap an arm around her shoulder. "I'm being rude. I should go. Say bye to Eli Clare." He held out his Iphone.

"Bye Eli," She repeated, her cheeks practically glowing. She purposefully said Eli and it felt forbidden but good.

"Clare-" She heard him say, his voice as velvety as she remembered.

Adam shut the phone before he could finish and began laughing.

"That was not funny," She protested but giggled anyway.

"I disagree," He sputtered. "That was hilarious. I have so little chances to tease Eli and I have a feeling you are going to give me a lot more."

"What do you mean?" Clare wondered.

"Nothing," Adam answered and they looked out in the night. "So there's this girl named Fiona."

Clare just looked at him, the light from above casting a glow.

He continued after a minute. "I think you met her. She works at Roulette for PR. She's…amazing."

It took a moment for Clare to catch up and to realize what he was saying without actually saying it. "Does she not know?"

"I don't know," He responded, frustrated. "But she's so out of my league. I'm a lowly college student."

Clare pushed him playfully. "I think you're pretty great and she would be idiot if she didn't like you."

Adam turned and tucked a wayward curl behind her ear. "Thanks for listening. Drew doesn't understand how to listen and Eli's not romantic."

"I didn't think _you_ were either but a moonlight date," A deep voice said walking out from the shadows and underneath the lamppost. "Impressive."

Clare's jaw dropped and she jumped away from Adam. To anyone else, it looked like a date from the outside. She was too preoccupied by Elijah's presence to say hello the man who had haunted her thoughts. He looked like a fallen angel, the shadows contrasting against his pale skin.

"What are you doing here?" She asked rudely then apologized.

He stared at her, lips twitching.

"Eli?" Adam asked.

"In the flesh," He glowered snapping out of it and walked closer to the bench. "Sorry to interrupt your special moment."

"It's okay." Adam leaned back. "You should've been here five minutes ago. _That_ was special."

"Adam," Clare admonished, sure that he was going too far. Her cheeks flushed from the cold and embarrassment.

"Adam," Eli growled warningly. "Don't incite me." He turned to Clare and ran a cold finger down her pink cheek. "Does he speak the truth?"

"No," She admitted in a daze.

"Well then," He pulled back with a flourish. "I was able to leave the club early." He sat down in between the two and laughed when they had to scoot over to fit him in. He wrapped his arms around both. "So what are we doing?"

"Who said you were invited?" Clare teased, deliriously happy in his presence. She felt giddy.

"Ouch," He grasped his chest. "She wounds with her words."

"Anyone hungry?" Adam offered, wanting to change the scene. He was starting to feel like a third wheel and it was annoying

They both agreed and Eli led them to where he parked his car. He didn't lead them to a parking spot but the closest road which happened was a cul-de-sac near the library. Any thoughts of lecturing him on his recklessness disappeared when she saw what he was driving.

"Y-you drive a hearse?" Clare asked, sure that her eyes were playing tricks.

"His name's Morty," Eli told her as he opened her door.

"Of course you do," She muttered sarcastically.

He took a step, blocking her path into the car with his face inches away from hers. "Are you implying that I'm predictable?"

He smelled clean like mint. She leaned in unconsciously, powerless. "You couldn't be something that hundreds of others are."

He was taken aback, "Quote?"

"Foer."

He bent forward and spoke softly in her ear. "I find you very surprising Edwards."

She nodded still dazzled by his closeness and the feelings that accompanied the proximity. She had been close to K.C. but it had never been like this. This was overwhelming.

"Sit in the middle, I don't trust Adam." He whispered and glared at Adam, who heard and laughed.

* * *

SO what did you think? I usually update within a week but a lot of review could convince me to do it sooner ;)

Thanks to those who did review:

guest, dd, onceuponavirgo, guest,kibago, degrassiluva, SuperWind, littlemissartsi, superfresh, and Eclurrrr.

And on the off chance that anyone is wondering (which I doubt theyre two totally different fandoms) i will update my other fic tonight.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or any songs I mention!

Author: Alleycat

Story: Roulette

Clare reluctantly agrees to go to Roulette with Alli and her new boyfriend Drew. There she meets the owner's son Eli, who is as mysterious and confusing as he is attractive. EC

Dedicated to: anon which I know is not your name but I LOVE CAPITAL LETTERS TOO

Chapter 3

"And every occasion

I'll be ready for the funeral"

~ Band of Horses "Funeral"

"I feel the secrets that you keep"

~ Romantics "Talking in your Sleep"

"You were out pretty late last night," Alli commented, blowing her steaming coffee.

Clare laughed at her friend's subtle attempts to get information and took a bite of her cereal. "I was with Adam last night."

She deflated, "Oh."

"And Eli," Clare finished with a bright smile.

Alli perked up, "Oh! Details sister!"

Clare sighed loudly as if it was the last thing she wanted to do which was completely untrue. "Well Adam and I were talking and Eli called and Adam acted like it was a date."

"No," Alli gasped, interrupting.

Clare nodded seriously and continued. "Yes and then not ten minutes later Eli appears looking like a dark knight in his hearse."

"Dreamy," Alli deadpanned with a smile.

Clare agreed not realizing she was joking. "I know. We all went to a diner and ate." She sighed heavily. "There is just something about him. I could sit and stare at him all day while he talked."

Alli looked surprised. "I've never seen you like this."

"It's weird isn't it," She asked self-consciously.

"For you yes," She admitted. "I go through this with every hot guy so…" She trailed off and they both began laughing.

"Well this is my first time and it's scary," Clare said covering her face with her hands

Alli took a sip and stared at her friend. "I noticed you were calling him Eli not Elijah. That was quick."

She smiled to herself. "He told me last night."

"Elijah?" He repeated, his face twisted in disgust. He threw his fry down as if it too sickened him now.

Adam concentrated on his food, trying not to laugh.

"That is your name," Clare said hotly, ignoring Adam.

He looked conflicted for a moment, the most human expression she had seen on him yet. "Call me Eli."

"I thought only your friends called you Elli." She smiled so wide her cheeks ached. "Does this mean we're friends?

He frowned at her. "No we're not friends."

Her smile wilted.

"Call me Eli," He told her and smirked at her when she smiled again.

"What do you think that means?" Clare asked as she repeated the conversation.

"It means he wants to be more than friends," Alli said in her 'patient' tone.

"Are you freaking kidding me?" Clare cried throwing her spoon down. "There is no way he meant that."

"Uh yeah," She retorted. "If he said you were friends then you would be friendzoned." At her friend's blank look she continued. "It's a really horrible place where feelings are unrequited."

"You're crazy," She told her shaking her head and headed to the sink.

"So," Clare started, stabbing her salad with a plastic fork and avoiding Adam's eyes. "Are you going to Roulette this weekend?"

They were eating that following Wednesday and Clare had gathered all her courage to ask him. She had thought about going back since their impromptu meal but she couldn't get in on her own since she was underage. It was also too presumptuous to say she was a personal guest of the owner's son.

He'd probably laugh at her.

Adam looked amused. "Would this have to do with wanting to see a certain dark-haired guy?"

"What? No, no, definitely not, just no, not at all," She protested and then laughed. "Was that too much?"

Adam nodded, smiling. "Just a bit."

"So?" She prompted hopefully.

"He'll be there Saturday. The club has this thing on Friday and Eli hates crowds."

"I've noticed that," She hadn't but she was fishing for information and by the look on Adam's face he knew it too.

Adam sighed as if it vexed him to agree. "I'll pick you up at 10:30 but you have to help me with Fiona."

"Agreed," Clare said munching happily on her salad once again.

"Why am I not invited?" Alli pouted as she watched Clare put the finishing touches.

"Adam invited me. It's not my place to ask," She explained but mentally added _and I'm hoping for some alone time with Eli_. "How do I look?"

She was wearing a high-waisted black skirt and black shirt with a large white bow on it. She was wearing the same plain heels as last time and she hoped he didn't notice. It would be weird, but flattering, if he paid that much attention to her shoes.

"Amazing," She told her before she went to answer the door.

Alli greeted Adam with enthusiasm that was shocking. He felt a little apprehensive next to the energetic girl who introduced herself as Drew's girlfriend. He had heard next to nothing about her from Drew except in Clare's introduction. He figured if she was close to Clare then maybe she wasn't so bad.

"You look very pretty," Adam told Clare once she saved him and shooed Alli away. He sent her a grateful look.

"So what's the game plan with Fiona?" He asked as he shifted gears. He drove a stick because it let him feel in control.

It also made him feel masculine.

"I have no idea. I thought you had a plan."

Adam groaned, "You fail at being a girl."

"I know," She replied sympathetically and patted his hand.

The rest of the car ride was in silence, she was lost in thought about Eli and Adam was trying to make a plan.

"Does Eli know I'm coming?" She asked as they walked into the club and headed to the bar. He asked if she wanted anything and she declined.

"I do now," He answered, standing directly behind them.

Clare jumped and Eli steadied her. "How do you keep doing that?"

He smirked down at her, "Nice bow."

"I wore it for you," She said coquettishly.

"Hi Eli," Adam interrupted and smiled when he glared and took a step back.

"You guys hang out a lot," He said suspiciously, his eyes darting between the two.

They looked at each other and laughed.

"We have lunch before class," Clare said not mentioning her reason.

"And how do you keep getting in?" Eli asked, his lips twitching.

"I promised the doorman a pay raise," Clare quipped. "So where can we start negotiations?"

His eyes widened jokingly. "My office is this way, Ms. Edwards."

Eli sent Adam a dark look when he saw him following them. Adam just ignored it because he felt bored and until Fiona showed up he had nothing to do with his time. He was lucky that she appeared an hour later with her clipboard. He straightened his clothes and ran a hand through his hair.

"That is not Mr. Goldsworthy," Fiona joked when she saw a curly-haired girl sitting in his metal throne. "You're prettier."

"And smarter," Clare added smiling at Eli who was sitting on his desk facing her. He half turned when Fiona walked in the room but his attention returned to her with that statement.

"Harsh Edwards," He complained, fighting a smile. "Very harsh."

"I'm Fiona Coyne," She introduced and offered a hand over the large wooden desk.

She leaned forward and shook her hand, trying not to seem too interested. This was the girl who Adam liked. She dressed in a smart black suit with pearls, the epitome of sophistication. Clare noticed with a frown that she didn't realize Adam was even in the room.

Maybe it was as hopeless as he thought.

"Hey Fiona," He greeted weakly from the corner.

"Adam," She returned, lighting up and walking to him.

Maybe Clare was too quick to judge her.

"You think it's reciprocated?" She asked quietly to Eli as they watched the two converse.

He looked at them for a moment longer. "No idea." His gaze returned to Clare's face. "Jealous?"

Her nose wrinkled, "Of course not."

He fought unsuccessfully against a smile. "Just a romantic then?"

She returned the smile, noting this was the first true smile she had ever seen. She wished she could take a picture to capture it because she was sure it was rare. He was beautiful.

"Seems like it," She confirmed and leaned toward him.

He cleared his throat and scooted back, "What are you studying?"

Clare looked at him for a moment, thrown off by the jump in topic and his need for space. "Um English and Journalism, I haven't decided completely yet."

He nodded and when he didn't say anymore she continued. When she tried to ask him questions he would redirect and if he answered them it was never complete. There was a lull in the conversation and she got the courage to ask about his rings.

"What about yours?" He asked and pointed to her 'True Love Waits' ring after he had told her the origins of his. Beyond the place or giver, she had very little information.

She tried desperately to control her blush and took it off to hand to him. "It's a purity ring."

He brought it closer and studied it. "So does that mean-"

"Yes," She interrupted, ready to treat it like a band-aid and rip it off. "I'm a virgin."

He took his eyes off the ring and looked at her in a way that made her skin feel like it was on fire.

"Interesting," He said finally, amused. "I was just going to ask if you were a Christian. As an atheist, it's a real deal breaker."

She pushed him playfully and laughed with him when he started to chuckle. After that Eli seemed more open or at least responsive to the conversation. Maybe it took her revealing something extremely personal for him to feel more comfortable. If that was true, she would tell him everything.

That was one thing that frightened her though and that he would get to know her and find out she was nothing special.

Because there was very little remarkable about her.

He had to leave the office a couple of times and Clare felt weird interrupting Adam and Fiona so she explored other parts of his office. There were very little personal items beyond a couple of pictures. One she assumed was his parents. The other one was him and a girl.

A very pretty girl with dark shiny hair (in a way her hair would never be) in black with a perturbed expression on her face.

She was everything that Clare wasn't and consequently perfect for Eli.

"Are you okay?" Adam asked, placing a hand on her shoulder. He saw her looking at the same picture for a couple of minutes and started to get worried. Fiona had nudged him forward and left them alone citing some made up excuse.

She couldn't look away. "I think we should go."

"Are you sure?"

She nodded and tore her eyes away, "It's getting late."

They met Eli when he they were walking out of the door. He grabbed Clare's arm to stop her from continuing out.

He looked hurt, "Were you just going to leave?"

She smiled thinly, unable to concentrate on anything but her own feelings. "I think that's best."

His head jerked back and his eyes narrowed at the response. "Okay then. See you later Adam." He said with his eyes still on Clare and then released her.

Without waiting for a response, he stormed away.

She stared at the place his hand been on her arms, captivated by the goosebumps that appeared until Adam drug her out.

XXXXXXX

"Excuse me," A dark-haired girl asked with a paper in her hand.

Clare looked up from the cart where she was alphabetizing and nodded for the girl to continue. She immediately thought of the girl in the picture but pushed it away.

"I'm trying to find this book," She continued and held out the paper.

Clare took it as she tried to place the face. She looked familiar but she couldn't remember exactly where. Maybe she just noticed her around the campus. She focused on getting her the book instead of placing her face.

"You're Jake's friend right?" She asked as she grabbed the offered book.

Clare wasn't sure if that was accurate description of their relationship (more classmates than anything) but nodded anyway. She suddenly remembered that lunch that seemed forever ago. "You're Katie right?"

She nodded and smiled.

The silence was uncomfortable and when it looked like she wasn't about to walk away, Clare blurted, "So are you and Jake together?"

She shook her head, her black bangs swishing. "We're just friends. We had an environmental science class together and clicked. Plus I just got out of a serious relationship and I'm not ready for anything new."

"Sometimes you're never ready ," Clare muttered to herself.

Katie looked at her appraisingly. "Do you want to go somewhere and talk?"

If she was male, Clare would think she was hitting on her. "No," She replied tightly, wishing she could walk away. "I'm fine."

Katie nodded, not quite believing her. It wasn't her place to lecture someone on opening up. "Well, if you have time sometime soon I would love to have another girl's opinion on my situation. Marisol is always with her boyfriend and I don't have any other female friends."

Clare looked at her, really looked at her, and realized this girl was hurting. Her situation was probably worse than hers and she could never deny the chance to help someone.

Maybe she could really help.

Plus avoiding Alli and Adam made her lonely too.

Having an unrelated friend might give her some clarity or at least some distraction.

"I get off in an hour," She told her with a smile.

"I'll be back then," Katie agreed, returning the smile.

There is the next installment! Clare kinda over reacted there, at least that's what i think. Clare always did think too much.

Tell me what you think! And leave it a review!

I love reading what you're writing:

SilverWind, superfresh, kibao, arascoe17, ZebraDolphin, onceuponavirgo, DerassiLuva, HopelesslyInLove13, ohGeorgeCraigsayyoudontwanti t, Roffogoble1225, xBooKittyx, RomioneJamMimi, anon, and Eclurrr.

I'll update the ither fic by tomorrow in case youre wondering.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or any songs I mention!

Author: Alleycat

Story: Roulette

Clare reluctantly agrees to go to Roulette with Alli and her new boyfriend Drew. There she meets the owner's son Eli, who is as mysterious and confusing as he is attractive. EC

Dedication to: RebeccaKang because that was catchy and amazing. Seriously.

Also a note on the song I used, I thought it was perfect for this chapter. There's this one line that goes like "in you I crash cars" and I wanted to save that for EClare but the song was too appropriate to pick another.

A slight warning for the chapter, there's some heavy stuff towards the end.

Chapter 4

Drinking mercury  
To the mystery of all that you should ever seek to find  
Lovely girl, you're the murder in my world  
Dressing coffins for the souls I've left behind  
In time  
We must never be apart

~ "Ava Adore" by Smashing Pumpkins

Clare had successfully avoided Alli since Saturday.

It was now Wednesday and she didn't meet Adam for lunch for the past week because she couldn't dare look at him and not ask questions. She sent him hesitant smiles and greetings before class but that was it. She knew her luck had run out when she heard Alli come home from class early and shout into the apartment.

"I know you're in there! I came home early to confront you," She opened the door and turned on the lights. "What the hell is going on with you?"

Clare fell back on her bed. "I don't even know."

Alli dropped her purse in the doorway and walked over to the bed. "What happened Saturday night?"

"He has a girlfriend," She whined and grabbed a pillow to suffocate herself.

Alli dropped to the bed in shock. "Are you serious? Did she show up there?"

"No."

Alli waited for her to continue and rolled her eyes when she didn't. "He didn't he tell you about her did he? How embarrassing!"

"No."

"Okay," Alli sighed and wrenched the pillow out of her grip. "I give up. Tell me what happened."

"Fine," Clare huffed and sat up. "I saw a picture of them together."

"And?" She prompted.

She shrugged noncommittally. "That's it."

Alli gaped at her. "So nobody said anything about this girl?"

"No," She said slowly.

"So you're just being neurotic?" When she didn't have anything to defend herself, Alli started asking her questions each enunciated with a hit from the pillow. "How do you know they're still dating? And unless they're going at it in the picture, it might not even be his girlfriend."

She looked hopeful, "You think so?"

"Yes," She said exaggeratedly and collapsed next to her on the bed. "You need to dial back the crazy."

"I can't help it." She groaned. "I'm acting like such a stupid girl."

Allie nodded in agreement and laughed when Clare mock glared. "Nothing that a night of chick flicks and ice cream and other horrible things can't cure."

Though she was never a fan of the quintessential girl night, she did feel better the next morning. She went to her Thursday classes with a clear head. Work went by fast and by the time she got off she had resolved herself to do something.

This courage lasted her until she reached the entrance.

"ID?" The gruff man asked.

"Um," She laughed nervously, patting her pockets. "I really don't have it with me."

She didn't want to show him her ID and then reject her and never allow her in again. No, it would be better if she let him think that she simply forgot it.

"Then you can't come in." He said and turned to dismiss her.

"Please," She begged. "I just need to talk to Eli Goldsworthy. Can you just" -she threw her hands ups in frustration- "call him down here?"

"He's coming," He said as he touched his ear like if he was listening to someone else.

She paled. "Did he hear that?"

"Yes," He said, still not showing any emotion.

Before she could respond, Eli appeared in all his glory. His face was neutral and he looked more handsome than ever in a black button down and black slacks. She cursed herself for jeopardizing what they had because of an assumption.

He walked down the steps and pulled her to the side, away from prying ears.

A sense of dread settled in her stomach. He didn't let her in; this was not good.

"What are you doing here?" He asked tiredly.

She faltered. "I came to apologize. I overreacted about that picture of you and that girl-"

His face hardened at the word picture. "Well you apologized and now you can leave."

She felt like she been slapped. "I am r-really sorry-"

He held up a hand. "Save it Edwards. I have more important things to do."

"I'm sorry, I'm confused." She was having trouble comprehending the situation. "What changed?"

He laughed darkly and she got goosebumps. "There was never anything between us."

She blinked away the tears, "I know it wasn't official-"

"There was nothing," Eli snapped and turned his back on her.

And because she still had some dignity, she walked away without another word. She cried silently on the way home, cursing herself for being so stupid. She was constantly wronged by guys so why did she continue to try? They weren't worth it.

He was probably laughing at her now.

She called Alli on the way home and like any good best friend she had the hot chocolate and marshmallows ready.

"Drew never liked him," She offered as if that would help.

Clare laughed, "Thanks for trying."

Alli hugged her friend so hard that she squeaked. "Well he's a horrible person who doesn't know what he could have had."

"He's not a horrible person," Clare defended. "Moody yes, but maybe I assumed way too much."

Alli shrugged helplessly, unsure what to say.

"First things first, I need to apologize to Adam," Clare declared and straightened up, wiping her eyes. "I've been terribly rude."

"You know what makes everything better," Alli asked with a smile.

Clare shook her head.

"Food."

While she wasn't sure that it would act as a miracle cure, she decided to go with that idea anyway. She invited Adam over to the apartment during lunch with the promise of food. She asked if he had any food preferences or allergies but he declined; he just said to make a lot of whatever she picked. So she chose her world-famous (slight exaggeration) alfredo with chicken and garlic bread. For dessert she made a lot of brownies so that he could take some home.

And maybe brag to Eli how amazing she was.

She wasn't holding her breath but it was nice to dream.

"This looks great," Adam said, rubbing his hands together.

She waited anxiously for him to take a bite but relaxed when he gave her two very enthusiastic thumbs up. He didn't even stop shoveling it into his mouth to compliment it which seemed a compliment in itself. She tried to appear like she was eating but she kept worrying that Eli might have said something about her.

She took a few small bites of chicken when he looked up.

"That was-" He burped and patted his stomach. At her scandalized look, he laughed. "Sorry about that. As I was saying, that was the best apology I've ever had. We should argue more often."

Clare smiled and grabbed both their plates and returned with brownies. "Do you want milk?'

"Is Batman's butler named Alfred?" He joked. At Clare's blank look, he laughed. "Of course I want milk. But you should know that by the way."

She shrugged and gave him a glass. "I'm not into comics."

"Not even the movies with Bale? Heath Ledger?" He questioned, his eyes widening. He sighed dramatically. "This problem needs to be rectified immediately."

Clare mimicked his affected look. "What do you recommend doctor?"

"A movie marathon as soon as possible," He replied through bites of his brownie. "When are you free?"

"I get off at 9 on Saturday if you want to have it here," She offered.

Adam nodded. "My place will be loud. Drew's supposed to be having some sports party or something."

Clare asked if he had the movies or they should rent them and he gave her a condescending look.

"Of course I have them," He told her in a stuffy voice. They laughed but she quieted down when he looked at her seriously. "Now are we ever going to talk about the elephant in the room?"

She avoided his eyes. "There's really nothing to say."

He sighed loudly. "I beg to differ. What happened between you and Eli?"

Clare scoffed and met his eyes. "There's no me and Eli, he made that very clear last time I saw him."

She was purposefully vague because she wasn't sure if she wanted Adam to know how she went up there on her own and got rejected. She didn't want him to feel sorry for her.

Adam flinched. "Eli has a lot going on and he's-"

"Adam," Clare interrupted. "I appreciate what you are trying to do but it's over."

"But I've never seen him act like he does with you," Adam argued. He might have gotten annoyed at how cutesy the two were but he would never want them to break up. They were perfect for each other. "You just have to give him a chance to explain."

She shook her head. "It's too late."

Adam exhaled through his nose, annoyed. "So let me get this straight you chase him for weeks befriending his best friend to get to him-" She tried to deny it but he shook his head. "I know that's why you approached us at the cafeteria. Don't worry; I'm not mad I'm just saying. You go through all of this and after the first hiccup decide he's not worth it."

"Sometimes you have to know when to acquiesce," She said with a sad smile. "You can't change how people feel."

"But he likes you," Adam burst out then immediately put his hands over his mouth as if to stop himself from continuing.

Clare froze. "He what?"

"Nothing," He said quickly. "So how's school going?"

"No," Clare shook her head, refusing the subject change. "Did he tell you he liked me?"

"He's never going to tell me anything again," Adam muttered to himself and laughed when Clare shook him impatiently. "You just need to talk to him."

Even though Clare believed what Adam was saying was the truth, she didn't know if she could approach him again. It would be too humiliating to show up at the club. There was no other place she would see him unless-

"You set us up," She asked hopefully.

"No way," He denied, shaking his head. "Eli would kill me."

"Well then," She said simply, knowing Adam was too nice to actually refuse. "It's done."

He groaned and ran two hands over his face. "You're lucky I like you so much."

XXXXXX

"This is a good one," She commented and scanned the Woolf novel. "Have you ever read any of her other works?"

"It's for a class," The patron responded disinterestedly.

Clare deflated and handed the man his book. One of the reason she took the library job was because she wanted to discuss literature even the other employees weren't very forthcoming with discussion. All they cared about was not actually doing anything while appearing like they were accomplishing something.

She leaned forward and tapped her fingers, bored.

"Clare," Adam half shouted as he approached the desk.

She shushed him and looked around to see who noticed. Beyond some disapproving looks, no one seemed bothered. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to tell you that I will be late taking you home late," Adam said smiling. "I have some errands I have to do."

"But you weren't –" She stopped when she saw the look on his face. "Oh-kay. How late will you be?"

"Only like ten minutes but you weren't answering your phone."

She nodded, still confused. "I can't check it very often when I'm working."

Adam leaned on the wooden circulation desk. "That makes a lot of sens-"

"I should have known," Eli glowered as he walked down the aisle toward the desk. He had waited patiently for a few minutes in Adam's car while he ran in the library but five minutes later he was getting antsy.

He was more surprised than he should have been to see Adam leaning toward Clare.

"Why aren't you in the car?" Adam complained after he noticed him. He had purposefully walked around the library for ten minutes to make him anxious plus he didn't want to bother Clare that long at her work. "I'll be out in a second."

"Yeah," Eli scoffed. "I'll sit in the car while you chat up some librarian."

"It's Clare Edwards," She supplied, amused by his cold behavior. Now that she knew he did like her, she wasn't so insecure. "Or have you switched a flip and erased me from your memory?"

He glared at her.

"Oh wait," Adam cried stiffly and held out his Iphone. "My phone's ringing." He darted away, leaving the two alone.

"Dammit Adam," Eli growled while Clare tried not to laugh. Adam was so obvious that it was comical.

Clare waited for Eli to walk away but he just stared at her. She started to smile hesitantly.

"How can you even look at me and smile?" He asked, frustrated. "I've been so mean it you."

"A journalist should have thick skin," She explained, purposefully not mentioning how much of a mess she was right after the incident.

He nodded, impressed. "So you've decided?"

"No," She said with a laugh. "Still undecided but I believe I should be prepared."

He smirked. "I can't imagine you ever not prepared."

"It happens," She assured him. She did not feel prepared for this conversation but she was going to do it anyway. "I think we should just talk and let the chips fall where they may."

"I can't be your boyfriend," He spoke suddenly and stepped closer.

She was going to ask him why when a student came up with a stack of books. She looked at him apologetically before addressing the student. She turned immediately once she finished.

"So why can't you be my boyfriend?" She repeated.

He sighed heavily. "My girlfriend is dead."

She gaped at him. "What?"

"I killed my girlfriend," He said slowly, wanting her to understand.

"W-what happened?" Clare wondered, almost wishing she didn't have to hear especially at her job. She didn't want her perception of him to change but she wasn't sure she could date a murderer.

"We were friends, you know. Good friends and because we were young and horny" Clare blushed and Eli smirked at her before sobering up. "And we thought that being in a relationship was best _but it ruined us_." He snarled suddenly and she felt frightened by him.

She hated herself for noticing how sexy he was when he looked like that.

"We were too alike and argued all the time. It turned us hateful." He ran a hand through his hair. "I really wanted to return to what we were but it was too late. I made the mistake of telling her this."

Clare flinched, sympathizing with the dark-haired girl. She couldn't imagine the man she loved telling her that their relationship was a mistake. It would be devastating. She put a comforting hand over his.

He stared at her small hand and remembered Julia's pale hand with black nail polish. Her hand was always cold, Clare's was warm.

"She hung herself with my sheets." He continued in a detached voice, his gaze never leaving their hands. "I went to school sure that we could talk through it while she was in agony. I didn't think of anything when she wasn't there that day. Hell, we skipped all the time and I came home to call her to find her hanging in my bedroom." He shuddered at the flood of memories.

He was walking down the hallway, a sense of foreboding settled in his stomach. He went slowly, trying to determine what the knocking sound was. It was a steady beat and he opened the door curiously. There was his girlfriend, pale as ever, hanging from the ceiling. She looked peaceful as her body knocked against his Dead Hand poster.

His knees buckled and he gripped the doorway.

"Eli," Clare said softly. He looked at her with haunted eyes. Clare wanted to cry but felt she had no right. She used her other hand to touch his face. "I'm so sorry."

"_I'm sorry_," He told her before wrenching away from her and darting out.

Clare collapsed against the desk as she heard Adam calling after Eli. She wondered why she was so dead set on solving the mystery that was Eli.

Well, she got what she wanted.

It just wasn't what she expected.

* * *

So there you have it. I felt like they could make no progress as a couple until he told her about his past and I didn't even make you wait that long! Four chapters ain't nothin'!

Please continue reviewing as I am so busy and they are the only thing that makes me forgo my homework to write lol.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or any songs I mention!

Author: Alleycat

Story: Roulette

Clare reluctantly agrees to go to Roulette with Alli and her new boyfriend Drew. There she meets the owner's son Eli, who is as mysterious and confusing as he is attractive. EC

Dedication to: everyone, seriously thanks for reading.

It has been a little less than a month and there are no excuses except I am so busy I literally did not have time to even look at this. I am so sorry.

I hope to be better.

Without further ado,

Chapter 5

Did I slip? I know I stumbled  
Did I trip? 'cause I know I fell  
All's I know is I'll wake up  
Here in my clothes tomorrow  
But oh, girl I wish I knew  
You well  
But oh, girl I wish I knew  
You well  
But I'm just sayin'  
Hi,  
To your answering bell

Did I run? I thought I was walkin'  
Through your inexhaustible gale  
The names are changed but the  
Constellations  
Are still fallin'  
Oh girl, if you could only  
Tell

-Ryan Adams "Answering Bell"

It took her a couple days to figure out how to best proceed.

There were only two options: chase Eli or forget him.

She was sure that he preferred the former. It was much easier but somehow it hurt her more.

She wanted to talk to somebody about it but it was not her story to tell. Vague details could not explain the matter and all Alli did was pester her. She was a diehard gossiper. She could definitely not talk to Adam because he was biased. Her mother would kill her and Darcy was in Kenya.

That only left Katie, the new friend.

But wasn't this a little much for so new relationship?

Sure, Katie talked about her past. She never went into explicit details even refusing to say the name of the guy who cheated on her. It was too raw especially since she recently slept with him in a last-ditch effort to save the relationship. It backfired.

The part Katie did go into was the consummation.

She explained her insecurity, his fumblings (she later found out he was beyond drunk), and the pain. She thought it was worth it until she saw him kissing some dark-haired girl around the campus the next week.

He got her virginity and she got his car.

Armed with a baseball bat and eggs, she got her revenge. While she felt better it did nothing to quell the betrayal.

Clare figured this was therapeutic so she didn't dare interrupt even when she heard things she preferred not to know.

So even though she decided that Katie was her best option, she still didn't know how to broach the subject.

Luckily, Katie didn't wait for her.

"Is everything okay?" Katie wondered, poking her with a pencil after she lost focus and began looking out the window. They were studying separately but she had noticed her daydreaming for the third time in past hour.

Clare straightened up. "What do you mean?"

"You yelled at someone for interrupting your 'sanctuary' or something," She pointed out. "They were just walking by."

Her cheeks flushed.

"Now you don't have to tell me," Katie said quietly. "But you know I'm here."

"It's not that I don't want to tell you," Clare explained, doodling absently in her notebook. She wanted it to look like she was actually getting some work done. "It's just not my story to tell."

"Do your best," She encouraged and reached across to pat her hand.

Clare sighed. "You know that guy I talked about a couple of weeks ago."

"Elijah?" She supplied helpfully.

"Well he has some" She struggled for an appropriate term "baggage and I'm not sure he's ready for a relationship."

She set down her pencil and gave Clare her full attention. "Why not?"

"His last girlfriend died," She admitted, hoping that she had not revealed too much.

Katie frowned. "A relationship may be too much but everyone can use a friend."

"I doubt he would want me as a friend either," Clare said bitterly.

"I have no doubt that you could convince him," She assured her with a grin. "But I would make sure that is what you truly want. A guy like that would have some serious problems least of all attachment issues."

Clare deflated; this was not what she wanted to hear. "You think I should leave him alone?"

Katie shook her head. "Not at all, I just recommend thinking it over."

Katie changed the subject then, determined to lighten the mood. Clare attempted a smile as she listened to her description of an annoying girl in her class but could not stray from her thoughts of Eli. Rather than clear anything up, the discussion just made her more confused. Everything was pointing to her giving up so why did she want to hold on even tighter?

When she met up with Adam, she was determined to leave him alone.

"I'm worried about Eli," He admitted as soon as they sat down.

Clare groaned. This was not what she wanted to hear. She was trying to be strong but even a mention of his name caused her walls to crack.

"What do you mean?" She asked nonchalantly.

"He hasn't been to the club since he walked home from the club two Saturdays ago," He said, the worry showing on his face. "He's not answering my calls or the door."

When he pushed his pizza away, Clare knew it was serious. For all of her rationalizing, the actual decision was made within seconds.

He was too important to forget.

She straightened up, mind made up. "Where does he live?" She demanded. "I'm going there after class."

Adam smiled hesitantly, hopeful that she could get through. "I can drive you."

Her entire class period was spent on the things she would say when she saw him. It would be sentimental but nothing forced. She was sure that Eli could smell fake from a mile away. For everything she planned, she did not know how to respond when he immediately slammed the door in her face.

Feeling indignant, she knocked again. Each progressive knock got louder until she was basically banging down his door. She did not feel bad as Adam told her the entire floor was his.

"What do you want?" He growled as he ripped open the door, his dark hair in disarray. He had bags under his eyes and black loungewear hung from him like hadn't been eating.

Adam was right to worry.

She felt a little ridiculous for thinking he was still handsome when he looked like he hadn't showered in a couple of days.

"I wanted to talk."

"Well I don't," Eli snapped. "Go away."

"I can help you," She offered, smiling hesitantly.

"Are you deaf?" He asked rudely. "Go preach your Christian bullshit somewhere else. I'm not interested."

"I'm just trying to be a good friend," She replied, stung.

He laughed darkly. "We aren't friends."

He shut the door and this time she let him. She was furious and hurt but she had not given up. If he wanted to be stubborn, that was fine. Confrontation was not going to work but what would? She remembered something Katie said about attachment issues.

A plan struck her as she stomped down the stairs.

The next day after class, she knocked on his door with homework in hand. He opened the door and looked angry enough to spit fire.

Before he could throw a tantrum, she spoke. "I'll be sitting in the hallway when you're ready to talk."

His anger melted away as he saw her make herself comfortable on the hallway floor.

"You can't be serious," He said gaping.

"Watch me," She challenged with a smile and opened her laptop.

The door slamming was her only response. She rolled her eyes at his theatrics and concentrated on her assignment. For the next two weeks she stayed for hours each day whether it was after her classes or before her shift.

XXX

"Clare I'm home," Alli called as she unlocked the door.

Clare perked up and told Katie that she had somewhere to be. When Clare denied she was going to work, Katie was too interested to not ask. After she explained the ritual, Katie just stared at her.

"So you're just sitting outside his door for hours?" Katie repeated, her eyebrows raised.

Clare nodded with a smile. She was not embarrassed at all even though it sounded desperate.

"That's dedication," Katie admitted, shaking her head. Clare was crazy for this boy.

"Each day he's a little warmer," She added. "I actually get more homework done there than here too."

"Because you're too busy worrying about him?" Katie guessed and smiled when Clare confirmed it. "And how do you get there without a car?"

"Her best friend is a saint," Alli supplied as she dropped her keys in Clare's open hand.

"That is generous," Katie agreed while wondering if Marisol would ever be _that _nice.

"Don't let her fool you," Clare argued and pushed her friend playfully. "She has a boyfriend who drives her everywhere and I fill up her gas tank."

"I know a good deal when I hear one," Alli defended and the three girls began laughing.

The longer Katie was in Clare's roommates presence the more familiar she became. They had previously been introduced but she was on her way out and she didn't think too much about it. When Katie mentioned her feeling, Alli gave her a once over.

"I don't think we have any classes together unless you're taking biology courses."

"No way," She said with a laugh. "I took all my sciences already."

"Maybe I just have one of those faces," Alli guessed.

Katie could not shake the feeling. "No, I have seen you before. But where?"

It was quiet once again as Katie was lost in her thoughts.

Alli just let the girl think it over. She didn't see the big deal but she wasn't about to say that to the girl. It seemed important to her for some weird reason.

"Don't look so serious," Clare teased after she returned to the living room. She had spent some time raiding her closet for something to wear. She wanted to look pretty even though he would only see her for the ten seconds before he shut the door.

"You look pretty," Katie commented when she noticed the change in outfit.

"Thanks," Clare said dismissively. "Now what's with faces?"

Alli made a funny face. "We're thinking."

Clare was amused. "It looks painful. What has you two so perturbed?"

"I'm sure I've seen Alli somewhere," Katie muttered, half to herself.

Clare laughed. "Of course, we do go to the same school."

Katie decided to let it drop for the time being. She was sure that she was missing something. She just couldn't put her finger on it.

"Do you need a ride to loverboy's?" Clare offered as she grabbed her laptop and books. The sheer amount of homework she had was overwhelming.

"Nope," Alli denied. "He's coming over to watch movies."

"That's code for make out," Clare whispered conspiratorially to Katie.

Alli rolled her eyes. "We're not 12. It's going to be a lot more than make out."

Clare stuck her tongue out. "Ew, that's just nasty. Don't do it."

"It's my decision," She teased as she walked the twosome to the door.

"It's my couch," Clare called over her shoulder without turning around.

"Touché," Alli relented, poking her head out. "My bedroom's fair game." She yelled down the hall and gave a look to the neighbor who glared at her.

"Your roommate is hilarious," Katie commented as they walked down the stairs.

"Don't tell her that," Clare said with a glance toward the apartment. "I'll never hear the end of it. One time a guy told her she had a lovely singing voice so she was convinced she was the next Beyonce."

Katie chuckled at the visual.

Clare shuddered. "It was horrible."

They were still laughing as they parted.

Clare's good mood continued on the drive over to Eli's. The ever-present butterflies gained strength as she drove closer. She greeted the other patrons as she got in the elevator. Through her almost constant presence, she had gotten close to his neighbors.

They referred to her as his girlfriend.

Clare didn't have the heart to correct them because she hoped eventually it would be true.

"How's it going," The young man with tattoos asked. His arm was around a blonde with large gages in her ears.

"Great," She replied honestly. "And you?"

He told her about the new puppy they were thinking about purchasing. They had been visiting local shelters all day and were exhausted.

"Any candidates?" She wondered.

"We haven't met our puppy yet," The blonde said tiredly.

"You sound confident," Clare noticed.

She looked at her boyfriend. "When you know, you know."

He smiled tenderly at her and agreed before pulling her close and kissing her forehead.

Clare's heart ached and she wondered if that could ever be her. It was with an envious heart she got off at Eli's floor.

"You're back," He greeted unenthusiastically.

Clare smiled half-heartedly.

He was still rude but he looked a lot better. Plus, his words didn't have the bite they used to.

But there was a tiny voice in her head that warned her that Eli would never feel that way about her, no matter what she did.

* * *

Please review. I think my updates will be more consistent now. I still haven't finished my other story but don't fear, I will.

I said this last chapter but I will say it again reviews give me motivation to forgo homework lol.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or any songs or any quotes or plays I mention!

Author: Alleycat

Story: Roulette

Clare reluctantly agrees to go to Roulette with Alli and her new boyfriend Drew. There she meets the owner's son Eli, who is as mysterious and confusing as he is attractive. EC

We get a little insight into Eli's head for like a second. Sometimes even I can't resist.

Chapter 6

"I'm gonna make damn sure

That you can't ever leave

No you won't ever get too far from me

You won't ever get too far from me

I just wanna break you down so badly

I trip over everything you say

I just wanna break you down so badly

In the worst way"

-Taking Back Sunday "MakeDamnSure"

Clare glanced at the clock and sighed. It was 5:20. It was twenty minutes past five and twenty minutes past the end of her shift.

Wesley was late.

Even though he was usually on time, she couldn't help but feel frustrated. She had places to be.

Sure that happened to be someone's hallway but she had homework she needed to get finished and that just happened to be the location where she did it.

She stewed for a while until she noticed her boss walking toward the circulation desk. She put on her best customer service face and straightened up.

"Wesley was in an accident," Mr. Perino said without any warning.

Clare just stared at him, shocked.

"And we have no one to cover his shift." He continued and gave her a look.

"Of course I'll stay," She waved his concern away and focused on the more important issue. "Is he okay?"

"Yeah," Mr. Perino sighed. "He was trying to break some record. Who knows? That kid is smart but he does some weird things."

When he went to walk off, she stopped him and mentioned her work load. He chuckled and agreed to let her work at the desk this one time.

"Only this one time," He reminded her. Clare was his best worker so he wasn't really worried but he had a reputation to uphold.

She nodded dutifully and grabbed her bag from underneath the counter. She wondered briefly if she should call Eli to explain the situation but she realized she didn't have his number. She knew she could call Adam to find out but that seemed like a lot of work.

Especially for a guy who didn't want her there anyway.

He would probably be happy she didn't show up, if he even noticed at all.

She pushed the dilemma out of her mind and concentrated on her homework while periodically questioning what record Wesley was trying to break.

She was exhausted by the time she returned to her apartment. Mr. Perino had been nice enough to buy her dinner from the student center because she was starving by 8. She let Alli know earlier so she just went straight to bed as soon as she set her stuff down, clothes and all.

She was happy Alli had the foresight to set her alarm because she forgot. She glared at the source of the incessant beeping but rose anyway. She smiled as she saw Alli's note attached to her alarm clock with her keys.

"I let you sleep in a little bit because I'm sure you're exhausted. Who knew checking out books was so much work?

-A"

Clare dressed quickly and was able to make it to school on time. She got out her cell to send a quick thank you when she noticed it was dead. She realized it must have died sometime yesterday but forgot to put it on the charger.

She was so happy it was Friday which that meant she had only one class. She felt scatterbrained and needed some time to recuperate.

Clare debated on stopping by Eli's for a little bit but decided since Alli left her keys that she should. Plus, she was itching to see him.

He was too good-looking to resist.

She was going throw withdrawals already.

Maybe she could sneak a picture for days when she couldn't see him.

The elevator was empty which was a rarity. She used this time to collect herself and thought about what she had to do for class on Monday. She arrived at his door still distracted and knocked absently.

Before she knew what was happening, the door swung open and she was pulled into his arms.

Clare wrapped her arm that didn't have papers around him. If this was the way he was going to act, then she would skip a day more often.

"I was so worried," He muttered over and over, gripping her tightly. He pulled back slightly to look at her face. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," She said slowly, willing her blush to go away. It was hard to concentrate with his mint smell surrounding her and his face so close.

He took a step back and gripped her shoulders to see her face more clearly. "Where were you yesterday?" He demanded.

"A coworker was in an accident and I had to cover his shift," She explained, captivated by his intensity.

He looked at her, trying to see if she was lying. "Why didn't you call?"

"I don't have your phone number," She defended, her face becoming red for a different reason. "I'm surprised you even noticed."

He frowned. "How could I not?"

"I sit in your hallway," Clare said slowly, as if he was unaware. "I'm sorry slamming the door in my face for three weeks straight was supposed to tell me you cared."

He laughed darkly. "You think I don't care? And that's the reason I avoided you?"

She nodded, defiantly.

"Oh, Clare," He muttered affectionately and grabbed her hand to lead her into his loft. He dropped it reluctantly as he instructed her to set her stuff down.

She barely heard him. She was too in awe of her surroundings.

It was one wood floor with, she was surprised to see, white walls. His furniture was black and simple. There was a lovely fireplace next to the couch. She could imagine curling up next to it with a book. The rest of loft was just as nice but there was coldness to the decoration. She wasn't an interior design by any means but it felt emotionless.

"What's the verdict?" He asked, amused by her perusal.

"It's amazing," She answered honestly.

"It's not me," He corrected with an uncomfortable shrug. "Cece hired a decorator and spent way too much money."

She glanced at him, amused by his reaction. "Well I like it."

"Do you want a tour?" He asked and fidgeted awkwardly.

She nodded with a small smile. She fought not to react when he grabbed her hand and led her toward the kitchen. She couldn't help but smile shyly when he showed her his bed. It was large with expensive looking black bedding.

He chuckled quietly to himself and wrapped an arm around her to lead her out.

She could have sworn he muttered "soon" as they walked away. Clare was too embarrassed by the implications to ask.

"What do you want to do?" He asked as pulled her to the couch.

She was at a loss. The only thing she was prepared to do was sit in his hallway. Instead she was sitting on the couch with him (rather closely she noticed excitedly) and having a conversation like the last three weeks hadn't happened.

"I have movies," He offered when it was obvious she wasn't going to contribute any suggestions.

Clare was unsure she wanted to watch anything he had.

"You can pick it," He assured her when she looked hesitant. "I'm sure you can find at least one movie you'll enjoy."

She giggled uncomfortably. He wasn't supposed to notice her reaction.

She was pleasantly surprised to see a lot of movies she liked. She forgot that underneath all the dark layers he was just an intelligent guy. There were no American Pies or other silly hormonal films but classic movies like Hitchcock's _Rear Window_ and _One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest_. There were some that were questionable films like _Requiem for a Dream_ and _The Machinist_. She grinned when she noticed a familiar title.

He smirked at her when she showed him. "I should have known," He muttered playfully as he stood up to put it in the PS3.

Clare made a show of sitting down on the couch, debating on how close would be appropriate. She would sit in his lap if she had her way.

She would never _really_ do that because she had morals and she would probably squash him. That would be embarrassing.

Her internal debate stopped when he scooted closer and sent her a wink.

She bit her lip bashfully as the trailers started.

She loved _Romeo and Juliet_ but she had difficulty paying attention. She felt the heat of Mercutio's and the nurse's dialogue. How could she hear about Rosaline's "sparing makes huge waste" without looking at her purity ring?

Clare was flustered and she was determined not to look at him.

Eli could barely keep the laughter in as he watched her reactions. She was too adorable. He figured she forgot the sheer amount of innuendos but really what else could "straight leg and quivering thigh" represent?

She was more entertaining than the movie.

"You're laughing at me," She complained.

"Maybe," He admitted, his green eyes shining.

When he looked at her like that, he could do anything he wanted.

Preferably something with less clothing but she wasn't being picky. She admonished herself and remembered her ring.

She should be thankful anyway.

Just last week he wasn't speaking to her and now he was flirting (!) with her. At least, she thought so. She didn't have much experience but he was being obvious.

Or was he just being nice?

His mood swings were confusing but his statement at the door seemed pretty clear. He laughed at the thought of not caring about her.

That had to mean _something_.

"Thank you for inviting me in," She said modestly as he walked her to Alli's car.

She originally resisted his offer but after he insisted, she allowed it. It felt like the end of a first date and she gripped her folders nervously.

Would he kiss her? Should she kiss him?

"You'll come over tomorrow," He asked without it sounding like a question.

"I think so," She replied, not really paying attention to what he was saying.

His face turned to stone. "What else would you do?"

"I do have to work sometime," She teased and leaned on the car. "Us poor college students have bills to pay."

"The problems of commoners," He scoffed and smirked when she laughed.

"Can I have your number?" She asked once she stopped laughing. She blurted out the question before she could question herself. Nervous Clare was a rambler.

"You are coming tomorrow aren't you?" He wondered, frowning.

"You're an only child aren't you?" She shot back. "You need to learn how to share."

"Answer my question," Eli reminded her and stepped closer.

"I'll be here," She promised with a huff.

It was all an act. She was really trying to hide her happiness at his rather rude way of saying he wanted her around.

He smirked and bowed his head before turning to go into his apartment.

She gaped at him. "What about your number?"

"Charge your phone Edwards," He called back, not turning around. "Somebody might wanna talk to you sometime."

She resisted the urge to speed on her way home to see what was waiting for her. She swore if he was just messing around with her she would not show up tomorrow as punishment. She greeted Alli and Drew on the couch as she darted to her room and her charger.

She had plugged it in and was looking at the screen when Alli burst in.

"What is going on?"

"Eli let me in," She said, barely unable to contain her giggles.

She was glad she was having this girly moment far away from him. He would reconsider allowing her inside his loft.

"Are you serious?" Alli squealed and jumped on her friend in happiness.

"You could at least wait for me to grab a camera," A masculine voice said from the doorway.

Clare rolled her eyes.

"You wish," Alli flirted back as she climbed off her friend.

"So," He replied with a cheesy grin, trying to look helpless.

Clare was contemplating kicking Alli out so she wouldn't have to deal with Drew. She wondered how he was related to Adam. He must have gotten all the brains.

"Eli and Clare sitting in a tree," Alli sang as she walked toward the door.

Drew made a face. "Really Clare? Not Elijah Goldsworthy?"

"Be nice," Alli warned him and pulled him out of the room. She made sure to give her a look that said they would continue this conversation later.

Clare was happy to be alone when she saw she have 4 voicemails.

_Hey Clare it's Adam. Eli called me because he was worried. He wouldn't tell me why so I refused to give him your number. I think for fun I'm going to tell him you hate him, something to make him sweat. Later alligator!_

She resisted the urge to laugh and continued to the next one.

_Hey Clare it's Adam again. Eli is threatening to fire Fiona if I don't get a hold of you. I can't tell if he is serious because it is Eli and he is always serious so this me actually trying. So please call me back if only for Fiona's wellbeing. She's too pretty to be on the street. Well maybe she could move in with me…so actually don't call me back. Wish me luck!_

Clare was worried he wasn't joking but before she could freak out the next message started. This voice was deeper and caused a shiver to run down her spine.

_Hello Edwards. Why weren't you in my hallway today? Adam told me he called Drew who was with Alli and said you were fine. She refused to give me more details but it was enough to stop me from filing a missing person's report. The police around here are inadequate anyway. They can't even track down Adam's missing phone. Pity. If you do not show up tomorrow, I will just have to hire an investigator._

She hit save with a smile. So it was a little mean to steal your best friend's phone but she couldn't help but think it was romantic in a twisted way. And it was a little creepy to hire someone to stalk her but she hung around in his hallway so she couldn't judge. Really, she was flattered.

The next message was dated five minutes after she left.

_I have your number as you might have guessed but you can only get mine if you come over tomorrow. Think of it as collateral. I wanted to use this time to invite you to join me this Friday at the club for a concert. There will be crowds but it will be worth it. I plan on asking you in person tomorrow but you are too distracting for your own good. I can't help but think of Francis Thompson about our parting. Goodnight._

Clare was opening her laptop and googling his statement before she realized she had moved.

"She went her unremembering way,

She went and left in me

The pang of all partings gone

And partings yet to be"

She hugged her phone to her chest giddily. If this was Eli wooing her, she was in trouble.

* * *

Eli has his game face on, get excited lol!

So three weeks...an improvement. Hopefully I can return to the two weeks!

Let me know what you think, it gives me sustenance!


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